State of Dreaming

 

     "Goodnight Grandma" Beth whispered at her grandma's bedside, but Grandma was already asleep. Beth visited her Grandma three times a week and each time she fell asleep before Beth left. They would play games and she would hold her Grandma's cool, wrinkled hand in hers to warm it up. Grandma told the best stories about when she was a famous singer. Beth liked to sing too and she knew she had inherited that from her Gran. Beth smiled at the nurse's aide on her way out. He was kind of cute, and she wondered if her Grandma had noticed that. 

     The aide came in and made sure that Mrs. Clarkson had taken all of her medications. He lifted her gently to tuck her blankets over her small frame. She turned and smiled at his gentle touch. He was a nice young man. She really needed to try to stay awake next time so that she could introduce him to her lovely granddaughter.

     Mrs. Clarkson, Lina, awoke in the middle of the night needing to use the restroom. Sometimes she could get up and other times she had to use her pan. She hated that. It was demeaning. She moved her body and managed to sit up. She didn't call for help. She did not want anyone to watch her urinate. People used to pay top dollar to see her perform and that is the only time she ever wanted an audience. She chuckled to herself and shuffled to the restroom. When she completed her journey, she decided to sit up a while. She sat at the vanity and gazed into the mirror.

     At first, she saw the tired lines that marked her face and her white hair. She stretched out her arms in front of her and saw the veins crossing over her skin in angry lines. It was late and the middle of the night can play tricks on the mind, but she saw herself transformed as she was at the Magnolia Club. Her dark eyes sparkled as they looked back at her. Her raven hair curved just below her ears. She was wearing a white lace dress that contrasted against her dark hair and eyes beautifully. She reached out to touch the mirror and closed her eyes.

     When her eyes opened, she was holding a cigarette. Now she knew she wasn't in the nursing facility. Nobody was allowed to smoke there. It was.....glorious. She took a drag leaving lipstick on the cigarette and walked down the corridor to her dressing room. her name was on the door, well not her current name. She was not Mrs. Clarkson yet. She was Lina Goldberg. When she opened the door several bouquets awaited her. They were all from her admirers. She smelled one of the roses and giggled with joy. The flowers had always made her so happy. 

     "Miss G, you're on in five!" Harvey shouted from the corridor.

     Lina quickly left her dressing room and made her way onto the stage. She had forgotten how remarkable it felt to just walk with grace. She had no pain. Her body was alive with energy and it would only increase when she sang. She sang her favorite songs from the war. The most handsome gentlemen were seated in the front, thanks to her arrangement with the House Manager. She winked and cooed and they looked at her with appreciation. She had never felt so beautiful because when she had been beautiful, she never appreciated it. 

     After the show, she had a few drinks with Charlie, a regular visitor to the club. She always thought she would marry Charlie, but it wasn't meant to be. Charlie was killed in an automobile accident one night after leaving the club. He was laughing and holding her hands as he leaned in and she was torn between laughing at his jokes and crying at her loss. Charlie decided to head out and he asked her to leave with him, but she never did. She was a singer, but she was a good girl.

     She went back to her dressing room to use her cold cream to remove her makeup. As she looked in the mirror, she saw her older face again. It wasn't a bad face. That face had loved and had four beautiful children. That face had nursed her husband through his cancer until she had eventually lost him. That face worked with thousands of young students to teach them how to sing. It was the kind of life that so many people dream of. Sure, she had a lovely home and saw many wonderful places, but the people were the best part. Oddly, she saw her husband standing in the doorway of her dressing room. He did not look ill. He was the most handsome sight she had ever seen. He was tall and thin and had the mustache that he wore years ago. He was wearing her favorite fedora and that smile that could guide ships to shore. He held out his hand to her and she got up from the vanity. He guided her through the door of the dressing room.

     The aide came into the room to check on Mrs. Clarkson. She was slumped over the vanity with a smile on her face. "Oh no," he thought. He would miss her. She was sweet and funny and he kind of wished all of the patients were like her. He would also miss her granddaughter. He lifted her onto the bed and a sheet of paper came out of her pocket. He glanced at the paper and saw the name Beth Clarkson with a phone number. Below that Mrs. Clarkson had written, call her. Who was he to deny a woman of her last wish?